Category: Personal style

I Help Others Find Their Style—But I’d Lost Touch with My Own

JanineLeave a comment

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true: this colour and style ‘expert’ hasn’t felt good in her clothes for a while. Yesterday, this realisation led to a ruthless wardrobe declutter where I was disturbed to notice just how many items in my wardrobe elicited a feeling of self-consciousness. (Rest assured, I got rid of them all.)

I’ve never found it easy to dress myself; getting my colours and style ‘done’ definitely helped and there are days now when I feel like I’ve truly nailed my look. But it can be frustrating to browse the shops and realise that most of what’s on offer simply doesn’t suit me. Before, I had the illusion of choice (even if none of it actually worked); the upside now, of course, is that shopping is much more efficient.

My recently-discovered curly hair has given me a welcome midlife boost (another post on that soon, I’m sure!) and I’m nailing my skincare right now, which is paying off. But I’ve struggled with my wardrobe – my trusty dress-and-leggings combo is feeling dated now, has become more of a uniform than thoughtful self-expression, and I’ve been contemplating how to update my look in a way that still honours the Natural, Ingenue and Ethereal elements of my clothing personality. In my experience, those who choose a uniform and stick with it end up looking dated – I was running the risk of that myself, failing as I had to keep my wardrobe current in a way that still honoured my style.

In my search for inspiration, I found myself looking at Gen Z and quickly realised many of their trends wouldn’t work for me. Being an Ethereal Ingenue Natural means I need a pretty, elegant, comfortable look. Gen Z are nailing comfortable, but they are intentionally shunning the traditionally elegant, feminine look for something edgier, comfortable and more inclusive. Us millennials have been brainwashed into believing that our clothes must be flattering above all else, and Gen Z are rightly pushing back on this, fuelled in part I believe by the body positivity movement. Gen Z get away with wearing clothes we wore as teenagers (the Y2K trend being a great example of this), doing so with an ironic detachment and nostalgic playfulness that we’d struggle to pull off; millennials attempting the same look like they’re trying to pass as younger.

In fact, as I dug into Gen Z fashion, I found myself increasingly fascinated by the unspoken politics behind their choices. Broadly speaking, many millennials – especially women – were conditioned to dress for the male gaze, while Gen Z are more likely to reject that in favour of dressing for self-expression and even the female or queer gaze. Some of their clothes are purposefully ‘ugly’ in a quiet rejection of the patriarchy; they are much more likely to be gender-fluid, challenging gender norms and embracing an androgynous look should they feel like it. Overall, they are more relaxed – focussed on their happiness, comfort and self-expression. Thank God.

Millennials came of age when there was a strong societal message that being sexy (in a very narrow, heteronormative, male-centric way) was important, even marketed as empowering. By contrast, Gen Z grew up online which allowed more niche aesthetics to flourish: cottage core, e-girl, grunge revival, goblin core, etc. And with more open conversations about feminism, gender, and queer identity, many Gen Zers are deliberately rejecting the male gaze, embracing androgyny, and dressing for themselves or for their communities. That’s not to say that Gen Z are immune to the male gaze, but the cultural default has shifted. Millennials were taught to ask, “Does this make me look hot?” whereas Gen Z are more likely to ask, “Does this feel like me?” Gen Z are more concerned with authenticity and, as a result, are pushing back against patriarchal values.

There’s a certain I-don’t-give-a-fuck to Gen Z that’s inspiring and empowering – anything goes. You want to rock up to the supermarket in crocs, a tulle skirt and vintage leather jacket? Younger generations aren’t going to bat an eye. There’s less pressure to be polished and instead we’re seeing this generation embrace natural beauty and move away from the heavily polished, straight-haired ideals of past decades. Rather than trying to tame their hair or conform to conventional beauty standards, many Gen Zers are embracing their natural textures: curly hair is seen as an expression of individuality and confidence, rather than ‘messy’ or ‘unprofessional’.

Millennials (and older generations) grew up in a society that was rife with fat phobia: the worst thing you could be was ‘fat’. The food industry created an obesogenic environment and shamed us all when we gained weight, then sold us Weight Watchers and Slimming World as the ‘solution’. But times are changing: I had a refreshing conversation with an 11-year-old recently; she’d overheard a conversation I was having with her mum, and was completely confused as to why there had ever been a pressure to be skinny.

After disappearing down an hours-long shopping rabbit hole yesterday, I deduced that I need to avoid:

  • Chunky sandals and boots – I tried, but those chunky soles just aren’t for this Ingenue.
  • Anything that requires me to go braless – this is an interesting trend (some say it is part of a broader shift toward body positivity, comfort and freedom of expression), but I can’t give up the comfort or modesty of a bra (and truthfully, I’ve never wanted to).
  • Anything too revealing (e.g. backless, plunge cut necklines, etc).
  • Satin – sadly too shiny for this True Summer; I need fabrics with a more natural finish. Chiffon works well for me, as does cotton.
  • Jeans – these always look too utilitarian on me, regardless of shape; denim shorts I can manage with tights and pretty footwear, but otherwise I have to forgo denim.
  • The ‘lingerie-as-outerwear’ look – on me, this simply looks like I’ve forgotten to dress.
Carrie Elizabeth: Dainty White Topaz Star Chain, £90

I can do:

  • Layered necklaces – I love the ones on Carrie Elizabeth, although price-wise I find them hard to justify, so I hunted down some dupes on Etsy and Accessorize instead.
  • Ruffles / tiered dresses and skirts – I’m so happy these are in right now; I’ve had the most success with New Look recently.
  • Puff sleeves, as long as they’re not too big.
  • Midi length is still going strong – but this only works for me with the right footwear; I need knee high boots or elegant ballet pumps, ankle boots look awkward.
  • Practical boots with a more feminine outfit (tbf, I’ve always loved this combo), but it still has to be delicate – no wedges, trainers or chunky soles.
  • Dresses – these will always be a staple for me since I struggle with separates, being someone who is high waisted.
New Look: Blue Floral Mirror Embroidered Tie Neck Blouse

I firmly believe that the answer to updating one’s look will always be thus: embrace the current trends that work for you, and let everyone else have the rest. Dramatics might enjoy the oversized clothes and chunky shoes. Naturals will be happy to live in athleisurewear. Romantics will appreciate the milkmaid dresses. Gamines will benefit from the more boyish and androgynous looks.

Though I feel as though I have a more romantic body now (I’m curvier than I was pre-pandemic), romantic styles still don’t suit. I haven’t ‘grown up’ into a Romantic, either – despite being firmly middle-aged, I am still very much an Ingenue and anything ‘older’ just ages me. I’ve made the mistake (more than once) of trying Romantic clothes, only to feel frumpy. It’s always been a challenge to find clothes delicate and pretty enough for the Ingenue element of my clothing personality, but it’s something I simply can’t afford to overlook.

Boden: Cutwork Detail Midi Dress

To update my look, I’ve opted for:

  • Layered necklaces, rather than wearing a single pendant
  • Tights instead of leggings (where appropriate)
  • Lace-up leather boots (to replace my slouchy biker boots)
  • Wide, floaty trousers (e.g. palazzo pants)
  • Clothing that’s tiered or has delicate ruffles

Against the backdrop of current trends, my non-negotiables seem to be:

  • Keep it pretty, feminine and youthful
  • Keep it elegant
  • Keep it modest: the ‘free the nipple’ movement does not apply to me

It’s easy to forget that fashion and style aren’t just about what’s in or not – they’re supposed to be about authentic self-expression. If, like me, you find that your wardrobe needs a little reset now and then, rest assured that’s just part of the process – because our style, just like us, evolves.

Plum Summer Ballerina (another Deep Summer Natural Ingénue outfit)

JanineLeave a comment

Inspiration for this outfit struck after I found an incredible plum tulle skirt in Next a few weeks back.

I immediately wanted a ballet-style wrap top to go with it, to really amp up the ballerina vibe. The wrapover top goes nicely with the burgundy lace camisole if you’re not keen on showing your mid-section.

Red maxi dress: I’m not sure this is the exact one, but this Ever Pretty burgundy maxi dress looks very similar to me.

I love to wear this plum ballerina outfit with my brown Fly biker boots to add a bit of an edge. I also love the wine and purple variants of this boot.

Aside from the maxi dress and ballet pumps, I own everything shown in this outfit collage (plus the Fly boots) which I hope is useful to know – I can vouch that these items go together beautifully 🙂

Fragrances for the seasons (and clothing personalities!)

JanineLeave a comment

DISCLAIMER: this is a silly and speculative post, just for fun. I have dabbled in making my own perfume before, but otherwise have precisely zero qualifications on the matter 🙂 I would love to know your thoughts, and whether my guesses for you based on your season and/or clothing personality are correct! Drop me a comment.

I woke up thinking about fragrances, how some are cool where others are warm. Some are sensual and sexy, others innocent. This line of thinking naturally led me to contemplate how these scents might pair with the seasons and clothing personalities.

AUTUMN:

Associated primarily with warmth, of course. These are the notes I think of for Autumn:

  • Vanilla
  • Honey
  • Sandalwood
  • Amber
  • Oud
  • Moss
  • Cedar
  • Tonka bean
  • Cacao
  • Cinnamon
  • Ginger
  • Cumin
  • Clove

Exotic, spicy, warm. Burnished bronze. Florals used sparingly, and not as the main event. Certainly nothing sharp.

On the M&S website, I spotted what I suspect would be a delightful Autumn scent: Estee Lauder Cinnabar, with notes of jasmine, orange flower, clove and patchouli. I also stumbled upon Apothecary Warmth EDP: cardamom, cinnamon, cedarwood and sandalwood. Pure warmth. Even the bottle is a beautiful amber colour. Not overtly feminine, a more unisex scent that might be perfectly suited to an Autumn Natural.

What wouldn’t work for this season? Anything too bold or dramatic. This season isn’t sharp, or overtly floral, or loud. I imagine a pure rose scent would be utterly jarring.

I could see tobacco working, perhaps. Leather, suede too, if used carefully. And perhaps something green and herby – tomato leaf, clove, fennel, basil. Cooking spices, too – cumin, clove, cinnamon.

A scent that’s a combination of mandarin, clove & amber would be an interesting, unisex scent for an Autumn. Warm, certainly, with the mandarin giving it a lift.

SPRING:

  • Amber
  • Neroli
  • Lemongrass
  • Peach / apricot
  • Coconut
  • Vanilla
  • Basil
  • Lime
  • Papaya
  • Eucalyptus
  • Tomato leaf
  • Fresh-cut grass

Tropical, bright, sunny. Exotic flowers, not country garden (that’s Summer). Not as earthy or warm as Autumn.

I would be curious about Clinique Happy for Spring: vibrant ruby red grapefruit, bergamot. An uplifting and citrus scent, softened slightly by Hawaiian wedding flower and spring mimosa. Also, Clinique My Happy Lily of the Beach: bergamot, solar lily, ylang ylang, tiare, frangipani, coconut, sandalwood, vanilla, amber. Warm, tropical, exotic florals. Not overtly sexy. Instead: a bright, warm, fun, sunshine scent.

Maybe also sandalwood + jasmine, a classic pairing that I could see working well for Spring. Not as earthy as Autumn, of course. Lighter, more fun.

I’d also be curious about this scent for Spring: DISCOVER White Coconut. According to the website: “Tropical notes of sea-salted coconut and exotic white flowers are lifted by fragrant accents of sweet blossom and iced citrus nuances. A warming base reveals vanilla musks, sea moss and amber.”

I wonder about Lush Karma for Spring, too – warm, joyful, uplifting, not too sweet or warm. This is a scent that seems to have a wide appeal. Some scents, like colours, will be more neutral and balanced; crossover scents will exist. Karma is not too warm, not too sweet, not too sharp. Warm patchouli with the citrusy tang of orange blended to a more balanced, bright scent. Karma makes me think of a joyful sunny day, which makes me think of Spring.

SUMMER:

  • Honeysuckle
  • Cherry blossom
  • Lily of the Valley
  • Bluebells
  • White musk
  • Bergamot
  • Rhubarb
  • Sweet orange
  • Sweet pea
  • Rose
  • Wisteria
  • Lilac

Cool, floral. I think of RHS Sweet Pea, the Body Shop’s Moroccan Rose (which they sadly discontinued). Soft, powdery, too. The Body Shop’s classic White Musk fragrance. Summer is a wildflower meadow, a pretty garden, not a bold bouquet of roses and lilies.

Summer’s florals are best balanced with something else, I believe–something woody or musky–otherwise it’s too sharp. Summer is not vanilla, or caramel, or honey. Too warm, too sweet. Anything with warmth is out unless it’s extremely subtle and is there to balance sharpness. Avoid anything that’s predominantly vanilla. Celebrity scents are usually too sickly-sweet for the cool elegance of this season.

Summer scent perfection, in my opinion (I just wish they did an eau de parfum; I have to make do with the room mist and spray it on my clothes): Flowers by The White Company. “Imagine an early-morning walk through an idyllic country garden. Uplifting notes of just-picked jasmine and pretty rose combine with bright neroli and a hint of warming patchouli for the prettiest of floral scents.”

Patchouli, as a deep, mystical, earthy scent is too much on its own but as a base with sweet orange or florals would work well. For example: Sanctuary Classic EDT. Top notes of citruses and bergamot; middle notes of cardamom, jasmine and rose; base notes of sandalwood, vanille and patchouli.

The mix of scents is vital. Warmth is fine if it’s a very small component and used to offset the sharpness of a louder citrus, oceanic or floral note.

Lavender is a seemingly obvious choice for Summer, but in my opinion it’s a little too sharp on its own.

WINTER:

  • Fig
  • Vetiver
  • Black pepper
  • Pomegranate
  • Frankincense
  • Blackberry
  • Cherry
  • Black coffee
  • Plum
  • Cedarwood
  • Myrrh
  • Tuberose
  • Pine
  • Smoke
  • Leather

Black forest. Woody, crisp; heavier, darker. Can handle a sharper floral. Sexier, sultry, more adult.

Cherry and peony, a fruit and floral pairing, seems to me a good everyday choice for a Winter.

I thought about Lady Million Royal for Winter, too: pomegranate and mandarin, orange blossom, jasmine and tuberose, with musk and cashmeran giving a seductive finish.

I also considered Lord of Misrule; spicy, rich, earthy but also sweet. Gourmand notes of vanilla combined with a smoky black pepper and dark Sumatran patchouli oils. A sweeter, earthy, unisex scent.

For something sexier, YSL Black Opium: “…a blend of light and dark notes that evokes sensuality from the first spritz. With top notes of pear accord and mandarin essence, a heart of vanilla, orange blossom and white flowers, and a base of black coffee accord and cedarwood essence, white musk and patchouli, this perfume is sensual, soft and seriously addictive.”

For something deep, rich and sultry: Tom Ford’s Black Orchid. Notes of blackcurrant, black truffle, ylang ylang, vetiver and dark chocolate make this a spicy, distinctive scent.

What about clothing personalities?

Classic = magnolia, peony. Estee Lauder. White flowers, fresh linen. Subtly romantic. A modern classic: Dolce & Gabbana’s “The One”: lilies and jasmine, lychee and peach, vanilla, amber and musk. Floral, slightly sweet and creamy.

Dramatic = Tom Ford; surprising and perhaps unexpectedly masculine. Tobacco, leather. Scents that someone else wouldn’t necessarily think of as typically beautiful. Intense. Tom Ford Noir Extreme; spicy heat and glowing citrus. Tom Ford Ombre Leather, with its unexpected pairings: a fruity floral reminiscent of honeysuckle with leathery, woody notes and green tobacco.

Ingenue = floral and pretty, soft and youthful; honeysuckle, bluebell, sweet pea. Strawberry, apple. RHS Sweet Pea. The White Company’s “Flowers”. Elegant, light, innocent.

Natural = woody, mossy. Sandalwood, patchouli, cedar. Herby and green, too; basil, thyme. With orange and patchouli notes, I could see Lush’s Karma appealing to the Natural. There’s also more oceanic blends that I would consider for the Natural: sea salt and lemongrass; sea minerals and fennel. I could also see eucalyptus and citrus.

Romantic = floral, but sexier than our ingenue; more overt, more sensual. Blousy. Peony, magnolia, tuberose. Warmth might come in the form of vanilla, honey or amber. Paco Rabanne’s Lady Million: “This is a glass of champagne, bottled.” A modern classic; sparkling fresh florals with an undertone of woodiness. Energising neroli, bitter orange and raspberry is balanced by base notes of patchouli, amber and honey.

Gamine = a masculine or unisex scent, something fresh, citrus and woody. Oddly, I think of the Radox range: eucalyptus with the zesty tang of citrus oil, or their mint and lime pairing. Basil and lime also a good, unisex combination. But citrus notes aren’t enough on their own – the addition of something woody would benefit. Nothing too sweet. Amber better than vanilla or honey.

Ethereal = mysterious, subtle, maybe oceanic. Apple blossom, pear, iris, clary sage, sea fennel. Japanese, white oriental. Reminiscent of a breeze. Elizabeth Arden’s White Tea: Italian mandarin, calming clary sage, sensual sea breeze and fresh Japanese white fern. Subtle musk. White flowers. Fresh cotton.

And how might these two elements pair?

Indeed; how might a clothing personality pair with a season in this fantasy fragrance world?

Summer + Ingénue seems a natural pairing: wildflower, floral, rose. English pear and freesia. Feminine, pretty, light. The White Company’s “Flowers”.

Summer + Natural Ingénue: add woody notes – sandalwood and/or patchouli to the floral. Sanctuary Classic EDT: jasmine and rose, sandalwood and patchouli. Perhaps Clarins Eau Des Jardins: citrus fruits and rose with a woody base.

Autumn + Ingénue: now we want to add warmth to the floral; vanilla, the light woods. Sandalwood rather than patchouli – not as deep and spicy for this ingénue. Maybe honey or caramel. Ilapothecary’s ‘Speak Your Truth’. Mugler’s Angel.

Autumn + Ingénue + Natural: a natural might add more mossy, woody notes.

Autumn + Romantic: warm spicy, sexy, some florals but probably nothing as sharp as rose (which would be more suited to the Winter Romantic).

Autumn + Gamine: spicy, masculine with fruit.

Spring + Gamine: a sporty, unisex scent. Mandarin and basil.

Spring + Natural: tropical coconut, perhaps. An island getaway. The White Company’s “Seychelles”.

Winter + Romantic: blackberry, fig, bay leaf. Tom Ford’s Velvet Orchid. Lady Million Royal, a fruity and floral scent with pomegranate, bold flowers and sensual cashmaran. Fruity, sensual, floral.

Summer + Romantic: fruity, floral, amber. White flowers, jasmine, honey (vanilla might be too warm as a key player). Not as overt or bold. Lady Million, with its neroli, bitter orange and raspberry balanced by base notes of patchouli, amber and honey.

Natural + Ingénue + Gamine: the gamine influence might add a herbal or natural woody note, but with the ingénue added nothing too heavy, and perhaps with something lightly floral in the mix. Think wildflowers, a herbal floral garden.

Dramatic + Romantic: Lush’s Lord of Misrule as a day-to-day scent?

Dramatic: coffee, tobacco, masculine, bonfire, smoke. Bold, unexpected.

Natural + Romantic: Marc Jacobs Daisy – sweet and fruity. Playful.

The combinations are endless – you get the idea!

Scent is so intensely personal, and our choices might change depending on the weather or how we want to feel that day. What fragrances do you wear? And what do you love about them? I would love to know.

My seasonal wardrobe review (a.k.a. more decluttering!)

JanineLeave a comment

With the weather turning cooler, I combed through my wardrobe yesterday, excited for autumn and for the opportunity to wear boots again. It’s so helpful to remind myself of what I actually own, and usually I find that I largely have what I need for the coming season, having purchased items previously (and subsequently forgotten about them).

Oh how I love the clompy boots + pretty dress combo. This super comfy pair are by Fly London, still available at Next.

During this particular wardrobe review I got rid of a handful of items including, notably, two new dresses and a new top. I’m always interested to know why I’m getting rid of something, especially if it’s not been worn much (or at all!) and this time the answer was clear to me: each and every item I put in the charity bag was a colour mistake. The first item was a navy maxi dress with a pink floral print. The pink was just too warm for me, and even though the pattern was small and the warm pink band on the hemline as opposed to near my face, it was still too distracting.

The second dress was a Vinted purchase and suffered from a similar problem. The main colour, a dusty rose pink, was one of mine, but the coral paisley pattern was too warm and distracting. It was a dress I’d tried on several times, felt too self-conscious in, and subsequently taken off.

The top was too cool, a very dark navy that belonged to Winter but that I could pull off, as a Deep Summer. However, whilst the colour looked fine against my skin, the rest of my wardrobe didn’t have the saturation to be able to support this item. After hanging on to it for well over two years, I finally had to admit defeat.

Yes, the colour analyst makes colour mistakes! When that happens, I’m always interested to delve into why. The navy maxi dress was purchased during the summer when I was panicked by a possible heatwave and the fact that I only owned dresses that required leggings. It wasn’t a dress I purchased because I loved it, it was something I bought because I believed I needed it, and then never wore.

The Vinted dress was a bargain and not something I would have paid full price for. It was clear to me that I’d made the decision on price, not on how much I loved it or even how much it suited me. It wasn’t terrible on me, but it simply wasn’t good enough.

I do love Vinted, though. I find it’s most useful when you’re replacing much-loved (but worn out) items from a brand you’re familiar with. Earlier this year I managed to replace my beloved (but falling-apart) brown leather satchel bag from Jones Bootmaker for a mere £8 in as new condition, a 10th of the price I paid for mine (new) many years ago.

I got rid of a few old bits too, items of clothing I had once loved and had hung on to for this very reason, but really were past their best (not to mention too small). I was surprised by how much I struggled to let go of a navy embroidered tunic I had worn so much it now had holes in it.

To my surprise, I found myself whispering, “thank you, I loved you, I have to let you go now…” as I placed the tunic into a bin bag. I think I’m more sentimental since losing both of my parents earlier this year, more attached than usual to items of clothing I wore prior to their deaths. I hadn’t previously prescribed to Marie Kondo’s practice of thanking things until now, but yesterday I did just that.

When getting rid of much-loved items, albeit those that have holes under the arms and are definitely too tight across the bust, I have to remind myself that I’ll find things I love again. A scarcity mindset leads to a wardrobe full of things that don’t quite work. My most successful items of clothing have been colour-compliant, stylistically correct impulse buys that I fell in love with. And this reminds me of something I’ve known all along, but I needed reminding of yesterday: where possible, we should be buying items because we’ve fallen head-over-heels in love with them. Sometimes the mistake we can make is not buying something we adore (and can afford) because we don’t (yet) have an occasion for it. In those instances I would implore you to buy whatever it is that you’ve fallen for, because I can virtually guarantee you’ll find a way to wear it.

UPDATE: I hit ‘Publish’ on this blog post and thought to myself, “This is a very very long shot, given I bought that navy embroidered tunic 10+ years ago now, but I will just check Vinted on the offchance…” I am absolutely dumbfounded to report that I found that exact tunic, ‘worn once’, in precisely my size… I’m not usually one for an emoji in a blog post, but sometimes only a shocked emoji will do: 😲😲😲!!!

A more personal post

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The last eighteen months have been difficult.

In January 2022, my dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. In January 2023, he died. All the while my mother, whose challenges with vascular dementia were becoming all too evident, needed more support as my father’s health declined. After he passed, my family and I had to provide round-the-clock care for her for two weeks before she could go into a home that could properly cater to her needs.

At first, in those early months after Dad’s diagnosis, writing fiction was my escape. Once a week, on a Wednesday morning, I would eschew real life and instead drink coffee at a café on the edge of the River Stour with a group of other writers. Sometimes I wrote fiction, sometimes I penned letters to agents to see if I could drum up interest in my work. A productive morning, always.

But then my dad died, and the words dried up.

With Dad gone, I spent many hours caring for my mother. As I got dressed on those days, it was interesting to notice the amount of effort I’d put into the outfit I was wearing, how I’d bother to apply a little makeup, wear my hair down in waves, when the only person I’d interact with outside of my home was my mother who is so far along her dementia path now that she seems to be living on another timeline entirely. She no longer knows my name, the day of the week, where she is or who I am in relation to her, but every time I visit she will have some compliment for the outfit I’m wearing.

Dressing myself has been the only channel of creative expression that’s remained open to me. I’ve been shopping more, at times almost obsessively; I always drop into flow when I’m planning an outfit. Thinking back, I suppose it’s no great surprise. In 2006, after my sister was involved in a car accident (the injuries from which she would die from, over two years later) the way I kept myself relatively sane when driving to my new job (a 45-minute commute) was to think up outfits. On those long journeys to specialist London-based hospitals, I would maintain some semblance of calm not by reading fiction or studying, but by leafing through and earmarking clothes to order in the fat catalogues that my mum used to receive in the post.

As the idea for this blog post came to me, as it started to form in my head, I wondered why I was writing it, why I felt the compulsion to publish it given it’s much more personal than the stuff I’d share here usually. I think the most honest answer I can give is this, and it’s twofold: we all go through rough patches, sometimes long and arduous, sometimes unthinkably devastating, and I wonder if someone else reading this going through their own Life Shit might feel hopeful that there can be some small day-to-day way of experiencing pleasure in the darkest of times (not least because, whether we like it or not, we usually have to get out of bed and dressed to face the world). Secondly, I have always felt compelled to tell the truth. This blog post sparked as a result of reading a blog post (by my wonderful friend, Cait Flanders) who told her truth and in doing so inspired me, in this small way, to share mine.

Sometimes, the best way to tell the truth is to tell it in a story. But because I have been preoccupied with life stuff, writing fiction–which had been an amazing source of escapism before my father died–doesn’t appear to be available to me at the moment. I struggle to maintain the focus required to read my own work right now. But, I am able to plan an outfit.

I’ve always battled with the fear of criticism that this interest in colour analysis and personal style is vain, trivial, frivolous, at worst even narcissistic. But here I find myself, yet again, grateful for the way we can express ourselves through what we wear, that such an outlet exists. That, in troubled times, it has been there for me. I hope, if you are struggling yourself right now, it might be something you can lean on, too.

Another Summer Natural Ingénue Outfit

Janine2 Comments

I don’t get out much these days. Since the pandemic I’ve been working from home most of the time and I spend much of my life in pyjamas or “lounge wear”. It’s no coincidence, then, that my desire to put together an outfit has grown given I rarely have an opportunity to wear “something nice” (you could argue I should be making these opportunities for myself, but I appear to have become a hermit since the pandemic – anyone else?)

‘The Hermit’ tarot card print t-shirt (RedBubble); perfect for an Ingénue Natural who spends most of their days either at home or at the supermarket 😉

I think this outfit (below) would work for both a Natural Ingénue and an Ingénue Natural. With a few tweaks, it could work for a Natural Romantic; just add some statement jewellery and some chunkier, sexier boots.

Grey boots: From Pavers, these slouch ankle boots are shockingly comfortable. Also available at Next.

Knitted dress: Hand-knitted from Etsy, hence the price. No good if you’re allergic to wool, but otherwise gorgeous.

Ring: Amethyst set in sterling silver, another find from Etsy.

Tights: From Calzedonia and only £6.50 excluding postage.

Purple dress: A-line, slim fit purple dress from Amazon.

Pendant: Sterling silver mandala pendant. Comes with a choice of chains in various lengths.

Celestial hair pins: Three-piece clip set from Etsy. Great if you like to wear your hair up.

Bag: Leather-studded bag from Next.

Brown boots: Suede Spanish riding boots from Rydale.

Outfit for a Summer Natural Ingénue

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I often have an overwhelming impulse to put an outfit together. Sometimes, to satisfy this urge (and so as not to end up ordering a million items that I will almost certainly return, fussy Ingénue that I am) I create something akin to a Polyvore collage (remember that site?) which does help scratch the itch somewhat.

This would be a good outfit for the summer if you are someone who doesn’t like having bare legs (like me – is this an Ingénue thing, I wonder?) The suede riding boots are gorgeous but I’ve found that pretty sandals (I have some similar to these) paired with the navy leggings work just as well and keep you cool in all but the hottest weather.

Dress: the dress is from Apricot and currently only £20 (more sizes on Next for £10 more). I own this myself and it’s lovely. Perfect for a Deep Summer and would also work for Winters as the navy is very dark. The seam under the bust is a little on the high side (especially if you are big of bust), but luckily that’s not very noticeable. The belt works well to give some waist definition (which most Ingénues will need). The pattern is just perfection.

Boots: these beautiful suede Spanish riding boots are by Rydale and work well for those with slim calves (not me, unfortunately, but I have seen these in the flesh and they are gorgeous). Whilst I’ve only worn this dress with sandals, navy ballet pumps or brown ankle boots (like these) would also work.

Bracelet: this macramé bracelet comes in a variety of colours. If you’re after something a little cheaper, then MightyMoon sell something equally beautiful for less which is what I ended up plumping for.

Leggings: I own an embarrassing number of navy FatFace leggings, but they are the best in my humble opinion (and I do consider myself practically an expert now as I live in them).

Belt: this leather plaited belt is from Next, and from the men’s section no less (but don’t let that put you off!) It’s brilliant value, too. I own it and love it.

Clutch bag: another gem from Etsy, this Moroccan leather clutch bag is an absolute bargain and if I wasn’t on a self-imposed buying ban I would absolutely treat myself.

Necklace: this sterling silver shell necklace is another item I own and adore, although when it arrived I swapped the chain for something a little less chunky for my delicate Ingénue neck 😉

Wall hanging: this delightfully bohemian macramé wall hanging is something I purchased recently for my study. I gaze adoringly at it every day.

If there are any outfits you’d like to see me put together, let me know in the comments below 🙂

P.S. By the time I had finished writing this post, I had ordered the Moroccan leather clutch bag in teal, such is my (absolute lack of) self-control.

Let’s talk about vanity

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This morning, I told my friends about a new pair of trainers I’d treated myself to. My innocuous comment resulted in this blog post when my friend admitted she hates her trainers. “The ones I have are bright pink,” she told me. “I know it’s vanity really, but I just hate pink.” She went on to say: “I feel conscious of them the whole time. I don’t need that much headspace taken up by my shoes!”

Well, quite.

There’s little worse than feeling self-conscious or irritated by what you’re wearing. When I did my style experiment back in 2015, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I felt so self-conscious and uncomfortable the entire day that I couldn’t fully concentrate on my job.

In order to focus, to do the work that matters to us, we need to be comfortable. In a physical sense, yes (I hark on about comfort a lot when helping clients declutter) but also comfort in our own skin. And that includes paying attention to what we wear.

“The way we dress is a silent way of communicating with the world. It’s how we tell people who we are before we get the opportunity to speak. And, historically, women haven’t always been given that opportunity.”

As someone who sees the value in personal style, I will debate anyone who says that caring about how we look is pure vanity. Besides, why can’t we admire an outfit or our make-up in the same way we’d admire art or a pleasingly cohesive design? The way we dress is a perfectly valid and creative way of expressing ourselves. It gives us confidence. It’s a silent way of communicating with the world. It’s how we tell people who we are before we get the opportunity to speak. And, historically, women haven’t always been given that opportunity.

Besides, who are these people accusing others of vanity? We have long been shamed for caring too much about our appearance, or for caring too little. All with the intention of keeping us small.

“She doesn’t make an effort.” “She’s high maintenance.” I don’t often swear on this blog, but I’ll make an exception today: it’s all bollocks. And let’s not forget that what’s considered attractive changes. The only way we can ‘win’ is to dress for ourselves.

I think the word ‘vanity’ is thrown about carelessly by those wanting to undermine others. But there’s nothing vain about wanting to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin so you can get on with the vital business of tearing down the patriarchy.

(More) Adventures in Decluttering

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Helping other people declutter their wardrobes is the gift that keeps on giving. If you’ve read my blog before, you’ll know I’m not joking.

Every time I help someone, I learn something new. Sometimes it’s another insight into their personal style, their lifestyle (and how that informs the way they dress), or about style archetypes in general.

Earlier this month, a close friend contacted me to ask for help. She was avoiding putting the laundry away, she told me, because her clothes wouldn’t fit in her wardrobe anymore. Over several hours, with ruthless efficiency and the easy banter that comes from knowing someone for so long, we assessed every item of clothing she owned. I wrote down a list of her ‘gaps’ (things she needs to buy) and a list of her favourite brands.

Watching my friend try on mini skirts that used to be wardrobe staples, we both concluded that the skirts now simply looked too short. In the same way someone looks at odds when they aren’t dressing for their personal style, this realisation had nothing to do with age or size. The mini skirts were just… not quite right. I was fascinated by this, having seen her wear these items with aplomb for years. But, undoubtedly, something had changed. Afterwards, I sent her a list of items I thought would fill her gaps, taking into account the style discoveries we’d made during the decluttering process.

This friend’s decluttering inspired me to do some of my own. I’m someone who reviews their own clothes every 3-6 months, but after helping my friend I realised I’d been holding onto things that no longer served me, too.

“I realised, with a heavy heart, that somewhere along the line I’d stopped looking in the mirror.”

I got rid of an entire bin bag of clothes, unheard of for me. I realised I’d been hanging onto things, waiting to resume my old (pre-pandemic) life. But upon assessing each item of clothing, I realised I was holding onto things for the wrong reasons. Some items were simply past their best. Some I’d had for so long they now looked dated. And, without exception, all of these things no longer fit me.

I kept some items that are too small for me right now, and hopefully these will fit again when I start eating more mindfully and moving my body. Like many, I’ve gained weight during the pandemic. And, like many, my lifestyle has changed. I work from home primarily now, my dress and leggings ‘uniform’ replaced by comfortable jogging bottoms and t-shirts (I might push the boat out and wear a snood if I’m on a video call that day).

Whilst trying on outfits I realised, with a heavy heart, that somewhere along the line I’d stopped looking in the mirror. No longer wearing my minimal make-up each day, I’d not really had any need to. But this wasn’t the only reason. I knew, if I was being honest with myself, that it was also related to the weight gain.

“…in no small way, I’d been ignoring myself.”

You can glean so much by looking at a face. We can assess health, we can assess mood, we can tell whether we’re looking after ourselves (or not). With this in mind, imagine being friends with someone but never looking at their face. Wouldn’t that be bizarre? We wouldn’t expect to do this and for it to be okay. In fact, in doing so we’d be ignoring our friends. I realised that, in no small way, I’d been ignoring myself.

After nearly two years of pyjamas and jogging bottoms, I have every faith I can find my way back to myself. Perhaps this is hubris. I will be forty this year; I refuse to ‘dress my age’, to be ruled by a fear of appearing ‘mutton dressed as lamb’. But, as helping my friend so brilliantly illustrated, I also have to accept that personal style does evolve within our archetype. Some clothes do date, and some styles can look ‘off’ after years of looking right. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay, in fact; it’s an opportunity to try something new. So with that said, I’m off to order some velvet dungarees and a lace blouse to see if that’s a look I can pull off. We shall see… Wish me luck 😉

Clothing personalities and style archetypes

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In recent weeks I’ve experienced the unadulterated joy of helping a friend declutter her wardrobe. This is not sarcasm; I’m one of those people who loves to declutter so much that I get pleasure-by-proxy in helping someone else. During the decluttering process we had several conversations about style as we narrowed down the things that were a solid 10/10 and really hit that style sweet spot.

My friend, let’s call her K, hasn’t been to House of Colour, isn’t familiar with Kibbe or David Zyla’s work. She doesn’t have the same shared references and terminology when it comes to clothing personalities, and this has made me see style archetypes in a different way. How useful are they when you’re talking to a new client who isn’t familiar with those systems? How accessible are they? And so, I found myself talking about style in a different way. Initially, I found myself trying to guess where my friend would sit (was she a Romantic? Ingenue? a Natural?) and in the end I gave up. I wasn’t defeated, but I realised trying to solve that puzzle just then wasn’t helping me, either. Instead, I found myself using words we both understood.

Feminine, but not overtly sexy. Pretty, but not prim. Comfortable, natural, but not preppy or bohemian. Cute, but not too kooky.

And suddenly things started to make sense. After our call ended, I found myself hopping onto Pinterest and creating a style board using the information I’d gleaned. K is someone who needs waist definition. An empire line isn’t flattering, nor is a high neckline. Comfort is essential. She’s Zooey Deschanel from New Girl, not Penelope Cruz in Casino Royale. Pointelle, broderie anglaise, vintage styles, these all work. Medium-to-large scale patterns, accessories etc, but not oversized or extra large. Soft lines and round shapes are better than sharp, angular lines because she herself is not sharp or angular. Probably, on reflection, a Romantic Ingenue after all.

I had a similar realisation when I was shopping for my wedding dress. The women in the bridal shops didn’t understand clothing archetypes, so instead I had to try and describe what I wanted in a different way. ‘Elegant bohemian’ was the best I could come up with, and it did help. I was steered towards the more understated, pretty dresses and away from the mermaid fishtails and plunging necklines. Phew.

When it comes to discussions around style, I always enjoy the fancy dress analogy. The question I love to ask clients is: who would you dress as if you were going to a fancy dress party and you knew your crush would be there? What instinctively do you think would look good? A fairy princess? Pirate? Sexy nurse? Some character from an 80s film? Arwen from Lord of the Rings? Snow White? I can see, looking back at old photos of myself, that I chose to dress as a fairy at one fancy dress party I attended (which, coincidentally, my crush was also attending…) I chose that outfit for a reason, and I didn’t feel self-conscious in it. It was my Facebook profile picture for a while, too. It’s telling, isn’t it, what one sets their social media profile picture to.

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At the end of our session together, sat beside a huge pile of clothes for the charity shop and satisfied by the new space in her wardrobe, K said to me:

“I am so relieved I don’t have to try to be someone else.”

And really, truly, that is the essence of it.

Want help with your wardrobe? Let me know: janine@inlovewithcolour.com. I would absolutely ~love~ to help 🙂