The Cult of the Curly Girl (Method)

JanineLeave a comment

You may or may not be familiar with the Curly Girl Method. In short: 50 percent of the population (apparently) have naturally curly or wavy hair, and with the right products and techniques, you can have glorious curly (or wavy) tresses, too.

The Curly Girl Method (CGM) has reached a kind of cult status online, and I understand why. Most of us don’t know that we might have naturally curly or wavy hair, and we are using the wrong products for this hair type. Unless I’m using shampoo and conditioner (and styling products) that are designed for curly hair, my hair will simply look slightly wavy (as pictured, below).

I will have plaited my hair earlier in the day whilst wet, giving it a gentle wave.

I discovered my curly hair by accident, by inadvertently using CGM-approved products and letting my hair air-dry one day at home (I usually plait it when wet, which disrupts the natural curl pattern, but that day I didn’t). I walked past a mirror en-route to the loo and did a double-take. I had ringlets at the bottom of my hair. I quickly snapped a photo and sent it to my friend, who had been on the curly hair journey for a while. Her reply was along the lines of: “You’re a curly girl, too!” Frantic googling ensued, and I purchased some products designed for curly hair (not realising my existing shampoo and conditioner were actually CGM-approved).

It is an understatement to say I didn’t have much success at first. In fact, I nearly gave up. To anyone considering this journey, you must know it isn’t an easy one. You need to be ready to try something new. Your lifestyle (and ego) needs to be able to handle a bad hair day. Having had so few in my lifetime (I now realise), this came as a shock to me. Some days I’d apply too much product, or simply one not suited to my hair type, and I’d end up with dull, stringy hair. Other days I’d use insufficient styling product and have great curls for about an hour before they dropped out.

My first semi-successful attempt was with the OnlyCurls starter kit. At the time, I thought this was the best I could do. And to be fair, it was a big change from my usually quite straight hair.

Shortly after this point in my curl journey, I went on holiday with a group of women, some of whom were curious to try these new curly products. I secretly wondered if, actually, everyone’s hair was capable of being at least wavy, but I was proven wrong; some women experienced a similar transformation to the one I’d had, but for others, their hair remained poker-straight. The right products can only enhance naturally curly or wavy hair if you actually have it to begin with.

My obsession grew. I purchased more products, and found ones I liked more. I found I could get a decent curl sometimes, but that those curls would fall out quickly. Apparently this isn’t uncommon for type 2 hair (I have 2c/3a curls). I went to see a curl specialist in the area, and had a curly cut. I didn’t realise back then, but this was actually a big commitment to the curly cause.

Although I knew what products and techniques Anna had used on me in the salon (she’s an OnlyCurls stockist), I still struggled when it came to consistency. I knew I needed to use a stronger hold styling product, but my primitive attempts at using a gel hadn’t resulted in much success. One day, I bit the bullet and used Noughty’s Hey Curl scrunching jelly, applying it to my (very) wet hair.

I tried to replicate this the next day, using a co-wash, and my hair was a total flop in comparison. All this to say, it’s trial-and-error, which can result in frustration. But if you’re on the market for something fun to obsess over and you can afford to splash out on a few products, it’s some decent light entertainment, although the learning curve is a steep one.

As you might have gathered, I have in no way figured this stuff out. Some days my hair looks great, but more often than not I’d consider my efforts a ‘miss’ and I make notes and try again the next day (it helps that I wash my hair most days, which means most days are an opportunity for experimentation). I have watched countless curly girl videos on YouTube at this point, and yet despite this influx of knowledge, the painful reality is that each head of hair is different and considerable experimentation is required to figure out what it is our hair needs to look its best.

What does a bad hair day look like?

My curls are stringy here, and felt dry. In this instance this result was because I used a styling product that wasn’t compatible with my hair (I believe this was a mousse). For contrast, this is a better hair day (I used the Eco Warrior shampoo bar and the Garnier banana leave-in, but no styling products, so these curls didn’t last long):

Whilst I am no expert, here are some vital (in my opinion) tips I uncovered while figuring out my hair:

Your success relies heavily on being able to form curl clumps during the washing process. To do this, I use a shampoo (or co-wash) as normal, then apply a conditioner and ‘squish to condish’, an upwards scrunching motion that results in fat curl clumps forming (I prefer to do this with a leave-in conditioner such as the Garnier 3-in-1 Hair Food; I don’t use a curl crème as I’ve found this to be too heavy for my fine, low-porosity hair). I (might, in addition) apply a gel in the same fashion, then when I’m out of the bath I use a microfibre towel and a similar scrunching upwards motion to remove water from my hair. The microfibre towel does a good job of ‘styling’ the hair by simply removing excess water, causing the hair/curls to spring up.

I highly recommend brushing your hair conditioner through your hair. Whether you have curly hair or straight, you will want to do this. Not only does it give a really even application, you will use so much less conditioner this way. It’s also necessary for detangling your hair. I do sometimes brush my hair when it’s dry using a Tangle Teezer, but in general this is frowned upon in the Curly Girl community. To prevent damage, it’s best to detangle your hair whilst wet during the conditioning phase.

You won’t get anywhere without the right shampoo and conditioner. You can check whether your current shampoo and conditioner is CGM-approved by using isitcg.com. Anything with silicones, sulphates, waxes or minerals oils is a no-no.

If in doubt, apply styling products to soaking wet hair. How you apply your products matters. I was applying products to damp hair at first, and getting crappy results. I keep all of my haircare products, including stylers (gel, mousse, etc) in my bathroom.

Learn the various techniques for application (‘squish to condish’, raking, prayer hands, glazing etc) by watching tutorials online, and apply products accordingly.

Does your hair need moisture or protein? The only way you can really know is to use products that are either moisturising (co-wash, leave-in moisturising masks) or that contain protein (stylers with protein, keratin treatments/masks, shampoos and conditioners with protein, etc) and see what works best. When your hair is balanced, your curls will look their bouncy best. If your curls are starting to go limp, you need to re-balance. I use a lot of moisturising products because my hair is dry, so for me limp curls usually means I’ve over-moisturised and I need to clarify, cut back on the co-wash and maybe even add a protein product (e.g. a pre-wash treatment) to get things back on track.

You must either allow your hair to air dry whilst down (don’t tie it up!), or diffuse it until dry. I do a combination of both most days so I’m not walking around with dripping wet hair.

You absolutely need to understand your hair, and what your hair needs at any given point. This is the most frustrating part of the process; this isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. Curl type doesn’t matter (2c, 3b, etc) but hair porosity does, and the best way you can identify this is by taking a strand of your hair and stretching it. Mell, of Manes by Mell, explains it best:

Manes by Mell Porosity Chart

You need to know whether your hair needs more moisture or more protein. The aim of the game is to balance your hair in order to get shiny, bouncy, happy curls. Some wash days you might need more moisture, other days you’ll benefit from adding in some protein.

If your hair is similar to mine (low-ish porosity, fine/medium thickness, medium density, 2c/3a curls), you might benefit from my product recommendations. Here are my current favourites:

Pre-wash treatment: Forest & Shore thrive oil; I let this sit on my hair for 20+ minutes before washing and I seem to consistently get better results when I do this.

Shampoo(s): Eco Warrior Shampoo Bar for Dry, Curly & Afro hair, the OnlyCurls All Curl Cleanser.

Conditioner: Garnier Ultimate Blends Banana Hair Food (I use this after shampoo, and I leave it in my hair), the OnlyCurls All Curl Conditioner (I wash this one out, although I might try it as a leave-in one day).

Co-wash: As I Am Co-Wash; I use co-wash instead of shampoo when my hair feels particularly dry and I know it’ll appreciate the moisture.

Leave-in conditioner: SheaMoisture Miracle Styler Leave-In Treatment; this smells absolutely INCREDIBLE and is good for breaking up a gel cast.

Clarifying shampoo, used on a semi-regular basis to prevent build-up: I’ve been using the Aveeno Clarify and Shine Apple Cider Vinegar Shampoo and the L’Oreal Purifying Shampoo; I’m not sure how I feel about these yet. From tutorials I’ve watched online, the Noughty Detox Dynamo seems to be very popular (and OnlyCurls recommended this one to me, too).

Styling: At time of writing, I’ve had best results with the Noughty Hey Curl gel, but I have a lot of experimentation ahead of me when it comes to styling products. I want definition more than volume, and I found mousse left my hair feeling a bit crispy. You want your gel to form a ‘cast’ on your hair, which you then scrunch out using a tiny bit of oil (or leave-in conditioner).

Tools (that I consider essential): a microfibre towel (I bought the OnlyCurls one which I love, but there are bound to be cheaper ones on Amazon), a brush designed for curly hair (e.g. a Denman or a Tangle Teezer – I use the OnlyCurls Denman brush) for brushing conditioner and styling products through hair.

Knowledge is power. YouTubers I rate: HanzCurls, Manes by Mell, OnlyCurls.

Although styling curly hair takes a little while, it is easier (in my opinion) than curling tongs, and causes (much) less damage to your hair. That said, during your experimentation phase you will have days where your hair looks crappy or mediocre, and you will long for the guaranteed results of a curling tong. You don’t have to style your hair every time (I certainly don’t do it every day). If you find yourself getting frustrated and wanting to give up, my advice would be to carry on with the CGM-approved shampoo and conditioner, but put zero effort into styling (or use styling methods from your pre-curly days).

I’m still very much in the experimentation phase, and my bathroom is heaving with different products I am trialling. It is (mostly) fun, though, and there’s something fascinating about the fact that my hair is curly and has always been curly, but I had no way of knowing thanks to the products I was using. If you’re curious, you can invest in some inexpensive products to play with (I’d recommend the Eco Warrior shampoo bar and Garnier hair food conditioner/leave-in to start with) to see if you, too, have naturally curly hair. If you decide to venture up the curly path, don’t forget the ‘before’ photo! Is there anything more compelling than a good before-and-after? I say not.

Fragrances for the seasons (and clothing personalities!)

JanineLeave a comment

DISCLAIMER: this is a silly and speculative post, just for fun. I have dabbled in making my own perfume before, but otherwise have precisely zero qualifications on the matter 🙂 I would love to know your thoughts, and whether my guesses for you based on your season and/or clothing personality are correct! Drop me a comment.

I woke up thinking about fragrances, how some are cool where others are warm. Some are sensual and sexy, others innocent. This line of thinking naturally led me to contemplate how these scents might pair with the seasons and clothing personalities.

AUTUMN:

Associated primarily with warmth, of course. These are the notes I think of for Autumn:

  • Vanilla
  • Honey
  • Sandalwood
  • Amber
  • Oud
  • Moss
  • Cedar
  • Tonka bean
  • Cacao
  • Cinnamon
  • Ginger
  • Cumin
  • Clove

Exotic, spicy, warm. Burnished bronze. Florals used sparingly, and not as the main event. Certainly nothing sharp.

On the M&S website, I spotted what I suspect would be a delightful Autumn scent: Estee Lauder Cinnabar, with notes of jasmine, orange flower, clove and patchouli. I also stumbled upon Apothecary Warmth EDP: cardamom, cinnamon, cedarwood and sandalwood. Pure warmth. Even the bottle is a beautiful amber colour. Not overtly feminine, a more unisex scent that might be perfectly suited to an Autumn Natural.

What wouldn’t work for this season? Anything too bold or dramatic. This season isn’t sharp, or overtly floral, or loud. I imagine a pure rose scent would be utterly jarring.

I could see tobacco working, perhaps. Leather, suede too, if used carefully. And perhaps something green and herby – tomato leaf, clove, fennel, basil. Cooking spices, too – cumin, clove, cinnamon.

A scent that’s a combination of mandarin, clove & amber would be an interesting, unisex scent for an Autumn. Warm, certainly, with the mandarin giving it a lift.

SPRING:

  • Amber
  • Neroli
  • Lemongrass
  • Peach / apricot
  • Coconut
  • Vanilla
  • Basil
  • Lime
  • Papaya
  • Eucalyptus
  • Tomato leaf
  • Fresh-cut grass

Tropical, bright, sunny. Exotic flowers, not country garden (that’s Summer). Not as earthy or warm as Autumn.

I would be curious about Clinique Happy for Spring: vibrant ruby red grapefruit, bergamot. An uplifting and citrus scent, softened slightly by Hawaiian wedding flower and spring mimosa. Also, Clinique My Happy Lily of the Beach: bergamot, solar lily, ylang ylang, tiare, frangipani, coconut, sandalwood, vanilla, amber. Warm, tropical, exotic florals. Not overtly sexy. Instead: a bright, warm, fun, sunshine scent.

Maybe also sandalwood + jasmine, a classic pairing that I could see working well for Spring. Not as earthy as Autumn, of course. Lighter, more fun.

I’d also be curious about this scent for Spring: DISCOVER White Coconut. According to the website: “Tropical notes of sea-salted coconut and exotic white flowers are lifted by fragrant accents of sweet blossom and iced citrus nuances. A warming base reveals vanilla musks, sea moss and amber.”

I wonder about Lush Karma for Spring, too – warm, joyful, uplifting, not too sweet or warm. This is a scent that seems to have a wide appeal. Some scents, like colours, will be more neutral and balanced; crossover scents will exist. Karma is not too warm, not too sweet, not too sharp. Warm patchouli with the citrusy tang of orange blended to a more balanced, bright scent. Karma makes me think of a joyful sunny day, which makes me think of Spring.

SUMMER:

  • Honeysuckle
  • Cherry blossom
  • Lily of the Valley
  • Bluebells
  • White musk
  • Bergamot
  • Rhubarb
  • Sweet orange
  • Sweet pea
  • Rose
  • Wisteria
  • Lilac

Cool, floral. I think of RHS Sweet Pea, the Body Shop’s Moroccan Rose (which they sadly discontinued). Soft, powdery, too. The Body Shop’s classic White Musk fragrance. Summer is a wildflower meadow, a pretty garden, not a bold bouquet of roses and lilies.

Summer’s florals are best balanced with something else, I believe–something woody or musky–otherwise it’s too sharp. Summer is not vanilla, or caramel, or honey. Too warm, too sweet. Anything with warmth is out unless it’s extremely subtle and is there to balance sharpness. Avoid anything that’s predominantly vanilla. Celebrity scents are usually too sickly-sweet for the cool elegance of this season.

Summer scent perfection, in my opinion (I just wish they did an eau de parfum; I have to make do with the room mist and spray it on my clothes): Flowers by The White Company. “Imagine an early-morning walk through an idyllic country garden. Uplifting notes of just-picked jasmine and pretty rose combine with bright neroli and a hint of warming patchouli for the prettiest of floral scents.”

Patchouli, as a deep, mystical, earthy scent is too much on its own but as a base with sweet orange or florals would work well. For example: Sanctuary Classic EDT. Top notes of citruses and bergamot; middle notes of cardamom, jasmine and rose; base notes of sandalwood, vanille and patchouli.

The mix of scents is vital. Warmth is fine if it’s a very small component and used to offset the sharpness of a louder citrus, oceanic or floral note.

Lavender is a seemingly obvious choice for Summer, but in my opinion it’s a little too sharp on its own.

WINTER:

  • Fig
  • Vetiver
  • Black pepper
  • Pomegranate
  • Frankincense
  • Blackberry
  • Cherry
  • Black coffee
  • Plum
  • Cedarwood
  • Myrrh
  • Tuberose
  • Pine
  • Smoke
  • Leather

Black forest. Woody, crisp; heavier, darker. Can handle a sharper floral. Sexier, sultry, more adult.

Cherry and peony, a fruit and floral pairing, seems to me a good everyday choice for a Winter.

I thought about Lady Million Royal for Winter, too: pomegranate and mandarin, orange blossom, jasmine and tuberose, with musk and cashmeran giving a seductive finish.

I also considered Lord of Misrule; spicy, rich, earthy but also sweet. Gourmand notes of vanilla combined with a smoky black pepper and dark Sumatran patchouli oils. A sweeter, earthy, unisex scent.

For something sexier, YSL Black Opium: “…a blend of light and dark notes that evokes sensuality from the first spritz. With top notes of pear accord and mandarin essence, a heart of vanilla, orange blossom and white flowers, and a base of black coffee accord and cedarwood essence, white musk and patchouli, this perfume is sensual, soft and seriously addictive.”

For something deep, rich and sultry: Tom Ford’s Black Orchid. Notes of blackcurrant, black truffle, ylang ylang, vetiver and dark chocolate make this a spicy, distinctive scent.

What about clothing personalities?

Classic = magnolia, peony. Estee Lauder. White flowers, fresh linen. Subtly romantic. A modern classic: Dolce & Gabbana’s “The One”: lilies and jasmine, lychee and peach, vanilla, amber and musk. Floral, slightly sweet and creamy.

Dramatic = Tom Ford; surprising and perhaps unexpectedly masculine. Tobacco, leather. Scents that someone else wouldn’t necessarily think of as typically beautiful. Intense. Tom Ford Noir Extreme; spicy heat and glowing citrus. Tom Ford Ombre Leather, with its unexpected pairings: a fruity floral reminiscent of honeysuckle with leathery, woody notes and green tobacco.

Ingenue = floral and pretty, soft and youthful; honeysuckle, bluebell, sweet pea. Strawberry, apple. RHS Sweet Pea. The White Company’s “Flowers”. Elegant, light, innocent.

Natural = woody, mossy. Sandalwood, patchouli, cedar. Herby and green, too; basil, thyme. With orange and patchouli notes, I could see Lush’s Karma appealing to the Natural. There’s also more oceanic blends that I would consider for the Natural: sea salt and lemongrass; sea minerals and fennel. I could also see eucalyptus and citrus.

Romantic = floral, but sexier than our ingenue; more overt, more sensual. Blousy. Peony, magnolia, tuberose. Warmth might come in the form of vanilla, honey or amber. Paco Rabanne’s Lady Million: “This is a glass of champagne, bottled.” A modern classic; sparkling fresh florals with an undertone of woodiness. Energising neroli, bitter orange and raspberry is balanced by base notes of patchouli, amber and honey.

Gamine = a masculine or unisex scent, something fresh, citrus and woody. Oddly, I think of the Radox range: eucalyptus with the zesty tang of citrus oil, or their mint and lime pairing. Basil and lime also a good, unisex combination. But citrus notes aren’t enough on their own – the addition of something woody would benefit. Nothing too sweet. Amber better than vanilla or honey.

Ethereal = mysterious, subtle, maybe oceanic. Apple blossom, pear, iris, clary sage, sea fennel. Japanese, white oriental. Reminiscent of a breeze. Elizabeth Arden’s White Tea: Italian mandarin, calming clary sage, sensual sea breeze and fresh Japanese white fern. Subtle musk. White flowers. Fresh cotton.

And how might these two elements pair?

Indeed; how might a clothing personality pair with a season in this fantasy fragrance world?

Summer + Ingénue seems a natural pairing: wildflower, floral, rose. English pear and freesia. Feminine, pretty, light. The White Company’s “Flowers”.

Summer + Natural Ingénue: add woody notes – sandalwood and/or patchouli to the floral. Sanctuary Classic EDT: jasmine and rose, sandalwood and patchouli. Perhaps Clarins Eau Des Jardins: citrus fruits and rose with a woody base.

Autumn + Ingénue: now we want to add warmth to the floral; vanilla, the light woods. Sandalwood rather than patchouli – not as deep and spicy for this ingénue. Maybe honey or caramel. Ilapothecary’s ‘Speak Your Truth’. Mugler’s Angel.

Autumn + Ingénue + Natural: a natural might add more mossy, woody notes.

Autumn + Romantic: warm spicy, sexy, some florals but probably nothing as sharp as rose (which would be more suited to the Winter Romantic).

Autumn + Gamine: spicy, masculine with fruit.

Spring + Gamine: a sporty, unisex scent. Mandarin and basil.

Spring + Natural: tropical coconut, perhaps. An island getaway. The White Company’s “Seychelles”.

Winter + Romantic: blackberry, fig, bay leaf. Tom Ford’s Velvet Orchid. Lady Million Royal, a fruity and floral scent with pomegranate, bold flowers and sensual cashmaran. Fruity, sensual, floral.

Summer + Romantic: fruity, floral, amber. White flowers, jasmine, honey (vanilla might be too warm as a key player). Not as overt or bold. Lady Million, with its neroli, bitter orange and raspberry balanced by base notes of patchouli, amber and honey.

Natural + Ingénue + Gamine: the gamine influence might add a herbal or natural woody note, but with the ingénue added nothing too heavy, and perhaps with something lightly floral in the mix. Think wildflowers, a herbal floral garden.

Dramatic + Romantic: Lush’s Lord of Misrule as a day-to-day scent?

Dramatic: coffee, tobacco, masculine, bonfire, smoke. Bold, unexpected.

Natural + Romantic: Marc Jacobs Daisy – sweet and fruity. Playful.

The combinations are endless – you get the idea!

Scent is so intensely personal, and our choices might change depending on the weather or how we want to feel that day. What fragrances do you wear? And what do you love about them? I would love to know.

The Red Dress Effect

Janine2 Comments

A few months ago, I met up with a male friend for coffee, and to my surprise he seemed disproportionately distracted by the fact I was wearing red. It was just a casual jersey cotton dress (I hadn’t dressed up especially for the occasion!), a shade half way between true red and burgundy. Perhaps he’d read somewhere that when women wear red, it signals romantic interest, and I was inadvertently giving off the wrong signals. It certainly captured his attention, and his reaction in turn made me curious; when I returned home, I started googling.

As a colour analyst, I know that colours have meaning. Red can signal danger, passion, even aggression. In China, it’s considered lucky. I also know that it’s a colour people typically tend to shy away from. In colour sessions, it’s the colour most likely to intimidate, the colour most likely to elicit comments of concern and of protest. My therapist told me that, in training, they are advised not to wear red as it’s a colour that can come over as aggressive. We know that red is a colour associated with romance, evidenced by the plethora of red hearts in shops around Valentine’s Day. What had passed me by until recently, however, is something called ‘The Red Dress Effect’.

It’s interesting to note, too, that we’re not talking about ‘the red t-shirt effect’ here – there’s something about the femininity of a dress, the way dresses are typically cut to enhance the female figure, rather than a red t-shirt and jeans (for example) that seems to enhance the effect. And a red dress, paired with a red lip, is a powerful combination. A note for the Naturals, here: if you’re like most Naturals I know, lipstick as a daytime look feels too overdone. My tip for adding colour, without looking ‘made up’, is this: apply lip liner to the inside half of your lips, and then use lip balm to smudge outwards (rather than lining your lips with it). I have found that wearing lip liner in this way makes the look more wearable while still adding colour to the face. I can also recommend tinted lip balm for this purpose. Pairing a red dress with a red lip really enhances the effect, directing attention up to our eyes.

A few weeks later, I wore a true red dress on a visit to London; my sister and I were visiting a cat café and I’ll admit I hadn’t given much thought to the colour of my dress (no more than usual, at least). Two things struck me as we navigated our way to our destination – firstly, I was acutely aware of standing out in a sea of grey and black. Secondly, men were definitely noticing me in a way they hadn’t before, and at times I was openly stared at, a fact I could only attribute to the colour I was wearing. Cue more googling on my return home, my attention officially piqued.

Scientists hypothesize that the reason this phenomenon exists could be social conditioning or evolution: red is a colour that has historically been associated with fertility, and many female primates signal their readiness to mate when oestrogen rises, causing blood vessels to dilate which results in their faces turning red. In humans, blushing can be a sign of romantic affection. Various studies have shown that, on average, men rate women who wear red as more attractive.

A friend of mine had a similar experience recently when she wore a floor-length red dress to a show in London. In her words: “This dress is weird. It’s somehow elevated me from being a fairly normal woman to someone who gets people stopping to stare at them in the street. On the walk here, I got some open compliments from women just walking past. And a few dudes just staring openly.” I will also add that she received a compliment from the legendary Joss Stone whilst at this show, proof if ever it were needed that the red dress effect is real.

Of course, as a colour analyst, I will be the first to say: the shade of red you wear matters. I wear true red and burgundy (with caution, these days, it must be said) but when I don orangey-red (too warm for my cool undertones) I look predictably awful, as demonstrated here:

Not to say I look ‘ugly’ (whatever that means; a blog post for another day!), but what I experience when I look at this photo is a discordance that’s uncomfortable. The colour competes with me. When I pay attention to my own body language whilst looking at this, I notice I’m frowning. What I detect, when I wear the wrong (bright) colour, is that whilst people might see me, they struggle to meet my eye, distracted as they are by the colour. This was most obvious to me on the day I did my style experiment. It was, frankly, agonising.

For comparison, here is me wearing the correct shade:

As you can see, there’s harmony. Yes, I’m wearing a bright red, but our attention is directed up towards my face.

I’d love to know about your experiences with red. Do you wear it? Or do you avoid it? Have you noticed the red dress effect for yourself? Are you tempted to wear red and see what happens? Drop me a line in the comments – I’d love to know!

My seasonal wardrobe review (a.k.a. more decluttering!)

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With the weather turning cooler, I combed through my wardrobe yesterday, excited for autumn and for the opportunity to wear boots again. It’s so helpful to remind myself of what I actually own, and usually I find that I largely have what I need for the coming season, having purchased items previously (and subsequently forgotten about them).

Oh how I love the clompy boots + pretty dress combo. This super comfy pair are by Fly London, still available at Next.

During this particular wardrobe review I got rid of a handful of items including, notably, two new dresses and a new top. I’m always interested to know why I’m getting rid of something, especially if it’s not been worn much (or at all!) and this time the answer was clear to me: each and every item I put in the charity bag was a colour mistake. The first item was a navy maxi dress with a pink floral print. The pink was just too warm for me, and even though the pattern was small and the warm pink band on the hemline as opposed to near my face, it was still too distracting.

The second dress was a Vinted purchase and suffered from a similar problem. The main colour, a dusty rose pink, was one of mine, but the coral paisley pattern was too warm and distracting. It was a dress I’d tried on several times, felt too self-conscious in, and subsequently taken off.

The top was too cool, a very dark navy that belonged to Winter but that I could pull off, as a Deep Summer. However, whilst the colour looked fine against my skin, the rest of my wardrobe didn’t have the saturation to be able to support this item. After hanging on to it for well over two years, I finally had to admit defeat.

Yes, the colour analyst makes colour mistakes! When that happens, I’m always interested to delve into why. The navy maxi dress was purchased during the summer when I was panicked by a possible heatwave and the fact that I only owned dresses that required leggings. It wasn’t a dress I purchased because I loved it, it was something I bought because I believed I needed it, and then never wore.

The Vinted dress was a bargain and not something I would have paid full price for. It was clear to me that I’d made the decision on price, not on how much I loved it or even how much it suited me. It wasn’t terrible on me, but it simply wasn’t good enough.

I do love Vinted, though. I find it’s most useful when you’re replacing much-loved (but worn out) items from a brand you’re familiar with. Earlier this year I managed to replace my beloved (but falling-apart) brown leather satchel bag from Jones Bootmaker for a mere £8 in as new condition, a 10th of the price I paid for mine (new) many years ago.

I got rid of a few old bits too, items of clothing I had once loved and had hung on to for this very reason, but really were past their best (not to mention too small). I was surprised by how much I struggled to let go of a navy embroidered tunic I had worn so much it now had holes in it.

To my surprise, I found myself whispering, “thank you, I loved you, I have to let you go now…” as I placed the tunic into a bin bag. I think I’m more sentimental since losing both of my parents earlier this year, more attached than usual to items of clothing I wore prior to their deaths. I hadn’t previously prescribed to Marie Kondo’s practice of thanking things until now, but yesterday I did just that.

When getting rid of much-loved items, albeit those that have holes under the arms and are definitely too tight across the bust, I have to remind myself that I’ll find things I love again. A scarcity mindset leads to a wardrobe full of things that don’t quite work. My most successful items of clothing have been colour-compliant, stylistically correct impulse buys that I fell in love with. And this reminds me of something I’ve known all along, but I needed reminding of yesterday: where possible, we should be buying items because we’ve fallen head-over-heels in love with them. Sometimes the mistake we can make is not buying something we adore (and can afford) because we don’t (yet) have an occasion for it. In those instances I would implore you to buy whatever it is that you’ve fallen for, because I can virtually guarantee you’ll find a way to wear it.

UPDATE: I hit ‘Publish’ on this blog post and thought to myself, “This is a very very long shot, given I bought that navy embroidered tunic 10+ years ago now, but I will just check Vinted on the offchance…” I am absolutely dumbfounded to report that I found that exact tunic, ‘worn once’, in precisely my size… I’m not usually one for an emoji in a blog post, but sometimes only a shocked emoji will do: 😲😲😲!!!

A more personal post

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The last eighteen months have been difficult.

In January 2022, my dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. In January 2023, he died. All the while my mother, whose challenges with vascular dementia were becoming all too evident, needed more support as my father’s health declined. After he passed, my family and I had to provide round-the-clock care for her for two weeks before she could go into a home that could properly cater to her needs.

At first, in those early months after Dad’s diagnosis, writing fiction was my escape. Once a week, on a Wednesday morning, I would eschew real life and instead drink coffee at a café on the edge of the River Stour with a group of other writers. Sometimes I wrote fiction, sometimes I penned letters to agents to see if I could drum up interest in my work. A productive morning, always.

But then my dad died, and the words dried up.

With Dad gone, I spent many hours caring for my mother. As I got dressed on those days, it was interesting to notice the amount of effort I’d put into the outfit I was wearing, how I’d bother to apply a little makeup, wear my hair down in waves, when the only person I’d interact with outside of my home was my mother who is so far along her dementia path now that she seems to be living on another timeline entirely. She no longer knows my name, the day of the week, where she is or who I am in relation to her, but every time I visit she will have some compliment for the outfit I’m wearing.

Dressing myself has been the only channel of creative expression that’s remained open to me. I’ve been shopping more, at times almost obsessively; I always drop into flow when I’m planning an outfit. Thinking back, I suppose it’s no great surprise. In 2006, after my sister was involved in a car accident (the injuries from which she would die from, over two years later) the way I kept myself relatively sane when driving to my new job (a 45-minute commute) was to think up outfits. On those long journeys to specialist London-based hospitals, I would maintain some semblance of calm not by reading fiction or studying, but by leafing through and earmarking clothes to order in the fat catalogues that my mum used to receive in the post.

As the idea for this blog post came to me, as it started to form in my head, I wondered why I was writing it, why I felt the compulsion to publish it given it’s much more personal than the stuff I’d share here usually. I think the most honest answer I can give is this, and it’s twofold: we all go through rough patches, sometimes long and arduous, sometimes unthinkably devastating, and I wonder if someone else reading this going through their own Life Shit might feel hopeful that there can be some small day-to-day way of experiencing pleasure in the darkest of times (not least because, whether we like it or not, we usually have to get out of bed and dressed to face the world). Secondly, I have always felt compelled to tell the truth. This blog post sparked as a result of reading a blog post (by my wonderful friend, Cait Flanders) who told her truth and in doing so inspired me, in this small way, to share mine.

Sometimes, the best way to tell the truth is to tell it in a story. But because I have been preoccupied with life stuff, writing fiction–which had been an amazing source of escapism before my father died–doesn’t appear to be available to me at the moment. I struggle to maintain the focus required to read my own work right now. But, I am able to plan an outfit.

I’ve always battled with the fear of criticism that this interest in colour analysis and personal style is vain, trivial, frivolous, at worst even narcissistic. But here I find myself, yet again, grateful for the way we can express ourselves through what we wear, that such an outlet exists. That, in troubled times, it has been there for me. I hope, if you are struggling yourself right now, it might be something you can lean on, too.

Another Summer Natural Ingénue Outfit

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I don’t get out much these days. Since the pandemic I’ve been working from home most of the time and I spend much of my life in pyjamas or “lounge wear”. It’s no coincidence, then, that my desire to put together an outfit has grown given I rarely have an opportunity to wear “something nice” (you could argue I should be making these opportunities for myself, but I appear to have become a hermit since the pandemic – anyone else?)

‘The Hermit’ tarot card print t-shirt (RedBubble); perfect for an Ingénue Natural who spends most of their days either at home or at the supermarket 😉

I think this outfit (below) would work for both a Natural Ingénue and an Ingénue Natural. With a few tweaks, it could work for a Natural Romantic; just add some statement jewellery and some chunkier, sexier boots.

Grey boots: From Pavers, these slouch ankle boots are shockingly comfortable. Also available at Next.

Knitted dress: Hand-knitted from Etsy, hence the price. No good if you’re allergic to wool, but otherwise gorgeous.

Ring: Amethyst set in sterling silver, another find from Etsy.

Tights: From Calzedonia and only £6.50 excluding postage.

Purple dress: A-line, slim fit purple dress from Amazon.

Pendant: Sterling silver mandala pendant. Comes with a choice of chains in various lengths.

Celestial hair pins: Three-piece clip set from Etsy. Great if you like to wear your hair up.

Bag: Leather-studded bag from Next.

Brown boots: Suede Spanish riding boots from Rydale.

Outfit for a Summer Natural Ingénue

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I often have an overwhelming impulse to put an outfit together. Sometimes, to satisfy this urge (and so as not to end up ordering a million items that I will almost certainly return, fussy Ingénue that I am) I create something akin to a Polyvore collage (remember that site?) which does help scratch the itch somewhat.

This would be a good outfit for the summer if you are someone who doesn’t like having bare legs (like me – is this an Ingénue thing, I wonder?) The suede riding boots are gorgeous but I’ve found that pretty sandals (I have some similar to these) paired with the navy leggings work just as well and keep you cool in all but the hottest weather.

Dress: the dress is from Apricot and currently only £20 (more sizes on Next for £10 more). I own this myself and it’s lovely. Perfect for a Deep Summer and would also work for Winters as the navy is very dark. The seam under the bust is a little on the high side (especially if you are big of bust), but luckily that’s not very noticeable. The belt works well to give some waist definition (which most Ingénues will need). The pattern is just perfection.

Boots: these beautiful suede Spanish riding boots are by Rydale and work well for those with slim calves (not me, unfortunately, but I have seen these in the flesh and they are gorgeous). Whilst I’ve only worn this dress with sandals, navy ballet pumps or brown ankle boots (like these) would also work.

Bracelet: this macramé bracelet comes in a variety of colours. If you’re after something a little cheaper, then MightyMoon sell something equally beautiful for less which is what I ended up plumping for.

Leggings: I own an embarrassing number of navy FatFace leggings, but they are the best in my humble opinion (and I do consider myself practically an expert now as I live in them).

Belt: this leather plaited belt is from Next, and from the men’s section no less (but don’t let that put you off!) It’s brilliant value, too. I own it and love it.

Clutch bag: another gem from Etsy, this Moroccan leather clutch bag is an absolute bargain and if I wasn’t on a self-imposed buying ban I would absolutely treat myself.

Necklace: this sterling silver shell necklace is another item I own and adore, although when it arrived I swapped the chain for something a little less chunky for my delicate Ingénue neck 😉

Wall hanging: this delightfully bohemian macramé wall hanging is something I purchased recently for my study. I gaze adoringly at it every day.

If there are any outfits you’d like to see me put together, let me know in the comments below 🙂

P.S. By the time I had finished writing this post, I had ordered the Moroccan leather clutch bag in teal, such is my (absolute lack of) self-control.

Let’s talk about vanity

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This morning, I told my friends about a new pair of trainers I’d treated myself to. My innocuous comment resulted in this blog post when my friend admitted she hates her trainers. “The ones I have are bright pink,” she told me. “I know it’s vanity really, but I just hate pink.” She went on to say: “I feel conscious of them the whole time. I don’t need that much headspace taken up by my shoes!”

Well, quite.

There’s little worse than feeling self-conscious or irritated by what you’re wearing. When I did my style experiment back in 2015, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I felt so self-conscious and uncomfortable the entire day that I couldn’t fully concentrate on my job.

In order to focus, to do the work that matters to us, we need to be comfortable. In a physical sense, yes (I hark on about comfort a lot when helping clients declutter) but also comfort in our own skin. And that includes paying attention to what we wear.

“The way we dress is a silent way of communicating with the world. It’s how we tell people who we are before we get the opportunity to speak. And, historically, women haven’t always been given that opportunity.”

As someone who sees the value in personal style, I will debate anyone who says that caring about how we look is pure vanity. Besides, why can’t we admire an outfit or our make-up in the same way we’d admire art or a pleasingly cohesive design? The way we dress is a perfectly valid and creative way of expressing ourselves. It gives us confidence. It’s a silent way of communicating with the world. It’s how we tell people who we are before we get the opportunity to speak. And, historically, women haven’t always been given that opportunity.

Besides, who are these people accusing others of vanity? We have long been shamed for caring too much about our appearance, or for caring too little. All with the intention of keeping us small.

“She doesn’t make an effort.” “She’s high maintenance.” I don’t often swear on this blog, but I’ll make an exception today: it’s all bollocks. And let’s not forget that what’s considered attractive changes. The only way we can ‘win’ is to dress for ourselves.

I think the word ‘vanity’ is thrown about carelessly by those wanting to undermine others. But there’s nothing vain about wanting to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin so you can get on with the vital business of tearing down the patriarchy.

(More) Adventures in Decluttering

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Helping other people declutter their wardrobes is the gift that keeps on giving. If you’ve read my blog before, you’ll know I’m not joking.

Every time I help someone, I learn something new. Sometimes it’s another insight into their personal style, their lifestyle (and how that informs the way they dress), or about style archetypes in general.

Earlier this month, a close friend contacted me to ask for help. She was avoiding putting the laundry away, she told me, because her clothes wouldn’t fit in her wardrobe anymore. Over several hours, with ruthless efficiency and the easy banter that comes from knowing someone for so long, we assessed every item of clothing she owned. I wrote down a list of her ‘gaps’ (things she needs to buy) and a list of her favourite brands.

Watching my friend try on mini skirts that used to be wardrobe staples, we both concluded that the skirts now simply looked too short. In the same way someone looks at odds when they aren’t dressing for their personal style, this realisation had nothing to do with age or size. The mini skirts were just… not quite right. I was fascinated by this, having seen her wear these items with aplomb for years. But, undoubtedly, something had changed. Afterwards, I sent her a list of items I thought would fill her gaps, taking into account the style discoveries we’d made during the decluttering process.

This friend’s decluttering inspired me to do some of my own. I’m someone who reviews their own clothes every 3-6 months, but after helping my friend I realised I’d been holding onto things that no longer served me, too.

“I realised, with a heavy heart, that somewhere along the line I’d stopped looking in the mirror.”

I got rid of an entire bin bag of clothes, unheard of for me. I realised I’d been hanging onto things, waiting to resume my old (pre-pandemic) life. But upon assessing each item of clothing, I realised I was holding onto things for the wrong reasons. Some items were simply past their best. Some I’d had for so long they now looked dated. And, without exception, all of these things no longer fit me.

I kept some items that are too small for me right now, and hopefully these will fit again when I start eating more mindfully and moving my body. Like many, I’ve gained weight during the pandemic. And, like many, my lifestyle has changed. I work from home primarily now, my dress and leggings ‘uniform’ replaced by comfortable jogging bottoms and t-shirts (I might push the boat out and wear a snood if I’m on a video call that day).

Whilst trying on outfits I realised, with a heavy heart, that somewhere along the line I’d stopped looking in the mirror. No longer wearing my minimal make-up each day, I’d not really had any need to. But this wasn’t the only reason. I knew, if I was being honest with myself, that it was also related to the weight gain.

“…in no small way, I’d been ignoring myself.”

You can glean so much by looking at a face. We can assess health, we can assess mood, we can tell whether we’re looking after ourselves (or not). With this in mind, imagine being friends with someone but never looking at their face. Wouldn’t that be bizarre? We wouldn’t expect to do this and for it to be okay. In fact, in doing so we’d be ignoring our friends. I realised that, in no small way, I’d been ignoring myself.

After nearly two years of pyjamas and jogging bottoms, I have every faith I can find my way back to myself. Perhaps this is hubris. I will be forty this year; I refuse to ‘dress my age’, to be ruled by a fear of appearing ‘mutton dressed as lamb’. But, as helping my friend so brilliantly illustrated, I also have to accept that personal style does evolve within our archetype. Some clothes do date, and some styles can look ‘off’ after years of looking right. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay, in fact; it’s an opportunity to try something new. So with that said, I’m off to order some velvet dungarees and a lace blouse to see if that’s a look I can pull off. We shall see… Wish me luck 😉

“Getting my colours done will restrict my choices.”

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Today, I’m in the mood for some myth-busting.

One of the questions I sometimes hear people ask is this:

“If I have my colours done, will that limit my choices? Will you tell me I can’t wear <insert-colour-name-here>?”

The short answer is: no. Firstly, I will never tell you not to wear something (that choice is yours and yours alone; I’m not the colour police). Secondly, if you love a colour that much, there’s a very high chance it’s one of your best. Thirdly, the sentiment I hear expressed again and again after a colour analysis session is: “I didn’t realise I could wear green / pink / yellow / red…” (the list goes on).

Most of us know of one or two colours that suit us but, prior to having our colours done, we have no idea of the sheer range of colours that suit us. Colours that have previously been considered impossible to wear suddenly become available; we just need to know the right shade.

To demonstrate my personal experience of this, I trawled through many old photos and came up with a palette that reflects the colours I used to wear.

Brown, khaki, black. I stumbled on some of the lighter Summer colours by accident: lilac, dusty blue, silver grey. I was actually surprised by how limited my wardrobe was. But, overwhelmingly, those were the colours I wore.

Regular readers of this blog will know I’m a Deep Summer; that is, the deepest colours of the Summer palette suit me. These are the colours I wear now.

My wardrobe is chock full of these deep, cool colours.

And these aren’t all the colours in the Summer palette, either. I would love to find primrose (Summer’s version of yellow), raspberry (a pinky-red that isn’t Winter’s fuchsia), plum (a mid-purple), periwinkle (a soft cornflower blue) and forest green (a deep teal that doesn’t contain too much yellow).

Each season is a veritable rainbow.

Warm seasons have shades of blue, cool seasons have shades of yellow, and all seasons have their version of black.

I’ll be totally honest with you: once you’ve had your colours done and you’ve seen how good you can look in the shades that make you shine, it’s frustrating when you can’t find them in the shops. This is the only ‘downside’, if you can call it that, to colour analysis. There’s nothing to say you can’t buy colours that aren’t in your palette, of course you can…

…but, I don’t. And, after you’ve seen how good the right colours look, you might not want to, either. So what does this mean in real terms? (I’m obviously not walking around naked half the time because I refuse to wear black.) It means I own an awful lot of navy. Which is absolutely fine; navy is one of my best colours. I would rather a wardrobe full of navy than a wardrobe full of khaki and brown which made me look sickly and emphasized my acne scars.

It’s easy for Winters to find black and grey in the shops, and easy for Autumns to find olive. Springs have it slightly harder, but can usually find their creams and greys. Navy is an easy Summer neutral to find. And, luckily for us, there is Kettlewell Colours, a company dedicated to solving this problem (this is not a sponsored post). Their styles won’t suit everyone, but the range of colours they sell is seriously impressive.

I know I hark on about scarves a lot, but for good reason; they are usually inexpensive and can be found in a huge range of colours and patterns. Especially useful now, when we’re on video calls more than ever and people are only really seeing our shoulders and above. A scarf thrown over a pyjama top can take us from oops-I-overslept to competent professional in just a second (obviously not talking from personal experience *cough cough*).

These bright, warm colours should work well for a Spring.
Fuchsia pink will make Winters shine, especially those who suit the brightest colours in the palette.
My Autumn friend has this scarf and it looks amazing on her.
I own this batik scarf myself, and I love it. Great for a Summer who suits the deeper colours.

Being a mid-teal, this colour should suit everyone.

What palette is yours? What colours can you wear that you didn’t think you could? Perhaps it’s time to find out… 🙂