Category: Decluttering

I Help Others Find Their Style—But I’d Lost Touch with My Own

JanineLeave a comment

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true: this colour and style ‘expert’ hasn’t felt good in her clothes for a while. Yesterday, this realisation led to a ruthless wardrobe declutter where I was disturbed to notice just how many items in my wardrobe elicited a feeling of self-consciousness. (Rest assured, I got rid of them all.)

I’ve never found it easy to dress myself; getting my colours and style ‘done’ definitely helped and there are days now when I feel like I’ve truly nailed my look. But it can be frustrating to browse the shops and realise that most of what’s on offer simply doesn’t suit me. Before, I had the illusion of choice (even if none of it actually worked); the upside now, of course, is that shopping is much more efficient.

My recently-discovered curly hair has given me a welcome midlife boost (another post on that soon, I’m sure!) and I’m nailing my skincare right now, which is paying off. But I’ve struggled with my wardrobe – my trusty dress-and-leggings combo is feeling dated now, has become more of a uniform than thoughtful self-expression, and I’ve been contemplating how to update my look in a way that still honours the Natural, Ingenue and Ethereal elements of my clothing personality. In my experience, those who choose a uniform and stick with it end up looking dated – I was running the risk of that myself, failing as I had to keep my wardrobe current in a way that still honoured my style.

In my search for inspiration, I found myself looking at Gen Z and quickly realised many of their trends wouldn’t work for me. Being an Ethereal Ingenue Natural means I need a pretty, elegant, comfortable look. Gen Z are nailing comfortable, but they are intentionally shunning the traditionally elegant, feminine look for something edgier, comfortable and more inclusive. Us millennials have been brainwashed into believing that our clothes must be flattering above all else, and Gen Z are rightly pushing back on this, fuelled in part I believe by the body positivity movement. Gen Z get away with wearing clothes we wore as teenagers (the Y2K trend being a great example of this), doing so with an ironic detachment and nostalgic playfulness that we’d struggle to pull off; millennials attempting the same look like they’re trying to pass as younger.

In fact, as I dug into Gen Z fashion, I found myself increasingly fascinated by the unspoken politics behind their choices. Broadly speaking, many millennials – especially women – were conditioned to dress for the male gaze, while Gen Z are more likely to reject that in favour of dressing for self-expression and even the female or queer gaze. Some of their clothes are purposefully ‘ugly’ in a quiet rejection of the patriarchy; they are much more likely to be gender-fluid, challenging gender norms and embracing an androgynous look should they feel like it. Overall, they are more relaxed – focussed on their happiness, comfort and self-expression. Thank God.

Millennials came of age when there was a strong societal message that being sexy (in a very narrow, heteronormative, male-centric way) was important, even marketed as empowering. By contrast, Gen Z grew up online which allowed more niche aesthetics to flourish: cottage core, e-girl, grunge revival, goblin core, etc. And with more open conversations about feminism, gender, and queer identity, many Gen Zers are deliberately rejecting the male gaze, embracing androgyny, and dressing for themselves or for their communities. That’s not to say that Gen Z are immune to the male gaze, but the cultural default has shifted. Millennials were taught to ask, “Does this make me look hot?” whereas Gen Z are more likely to ask, “Does this feel like me?” Gen Z are more concerned with authenticity and, as a result, are pushing back against patriarchal values.

There’s a certain I-don’t-give-a-fuck to Gen Z that’s inspiring and empowering – anything goes. You want to rock up to the supermarket in crocs, a tulle skirt and vintage leather jacket? Younger generations aren’t going to bat an eye. There’s less pressure to be polished and instead we’re seeing this generation embrace natural beauty and move away from the heavily polished, straight-haired ideals of past decades. Rather than trying to tame their hair or conform to conventional beauty standards, many Gen Zers are embracing their natural textures: curly hair is seen as an expression of individuality and confidence, rather than ‘messy’ or ‘unprofessional’.

Millennials (and older generations) grew up in a society that was rife with fat phobia: the worst thing you could be was ‘fat’. The food industry created an obesogenic environment and shamed us all when we gained weight, then sold us Weight Watchers and Slimming World as the ‘solution’. But times are changing: I had a refreshing conversation with an 11-year-old recently; she’d overheard a conversation I was having with her mum, and was completely confused as to why there had ever been a pressure to be skinny.

After disappearing down an hours-long shopping rabbit hole yesterday, I deduced that I need to avoid:

  • Chunky sandals and boots – I tried, but those chunky soles just aren’t for this Ingenue.
  • Anything that requires me to go braless – this is an interesting trend (some say it is part of a broader shift toward body positivity, comfort and freedom of expression), but I can’t give up the comfort or modesty of a bra (and truthfully, I’ve never wanted to).
  • Anything too revealing (e.g. backless, plunge cut necklines, etc).
  • Satin – sadly too shiny for this True Summer; I need fabrics with a more natural finish. Chiffon works well for me, as does cotton.
  • Jeans – these always look too utilitarian on me, regardless of shape; denim shorts I can manage with tights and pretty footwear, but otherwise I have to forgo denim.
  • The ‘lingerie-as-outerwear’ look – on me, this simply looks like I’ve forgotten to dress.
Carrie Elizabeth: Dainty White Topaz Star Chain, £90

I can do:

  • Layered necklaces – I love the ones on Carrie Elizabeth, although price-wise I find them hard to justify, so I hunted down some dupes on Etsy and Accessorize instead.
  • Ruffles / tiered dresses and skirts – I’m so happy these are in right now; I’ve had the most success with New Look recently.
  • Puff sleeves, as long as they’re not too big.
  • Midi length is still going strong – but this only works for me with the right footwear; I need knee high boots or elegant ballet pumps, ankle boots look awkward.
  • Practical boots with a more feminine outfit (tbf, I’ve always loved this combo), but it still has to be delicate – no wedges, trainers or chunky soles.
  • Dresses – these will always be a staple for me since I struggle with separates, being someone who is high waisted.
New Look: Blue Floral Mirror Embroidered Tie Neck Blouse

I firmly believe that the answer to updating one’s look will always be thus: embrace the current trends that work for you, and let everyone else have the rest. Dramatics might enjoy the oversized clothes and chunky shoes. Naturals will be happy to live in athleisurewear. Romantics will appreciate the milkmaid dresses. Gamines will benefit from the more boyish and androgynous looks.

Though I feel as though I have a more romantic body now (I’m curvier than I was pre-pandemic), romantic styles still don’t suit. I haven’t ‘grown up’ into a Romantic, either – despite being firmly middle-aged, I am still very much an Ingenue and anything ‘older’ just ages me. I’ve made the mistake (more than once) of trying Romantic clothes, only to feel frumpy. It’s always been a challenge to find clothes delicate and pretty enough for the Ingenue element of my clothing personality, but it’s something I simply can’t afford to overlook.

Boden: Cutwork Detail Midi Dress

To update my look, I’ve opted for:

  • Layered necklaces, rather than wearing a single pendant
  • Tights instead of leggings (where appropriate)
  • Lace-up leather boots (to replace my slouchy biker boots)
  • Wide, floaty trousers (e.g. palazzo pants)
  • Clothing that’s tiered or has delicate ruffles

Against the backdrop of current trends, my non-negotiables seem to be:

  • Keep it pretty, feminine and youthful
  • Keep it elegant
  • Keep it modest: the ‘free the nipple’ movement does not apply to me

It’s easy to forget that fashion and style aren’t just about what’s in or not – they’re supposed to be about authentic self-expression. If, like me, you find that your wardrobe needs a little reset now and then, rest assured that’s just part of the process – because our style, just like us, evolves.

My seasonal wardrobe review (a.k.a. more decluttering!)

JanineLeave a comment

With the weather turning cooler, I combed through my wardrobe yesterday, excited for autumn and for the opportunity to wear boots again. It’s so helpful to remind myself of what I actually own, and usually I find that I largely have what I need for the coming season, having purchased items previously (and subsequently forgotten about them).

Oh how I love the clompy boots + pretty dress combo. This super comfy pair are by Fly London, still available at Next.

During this particular wardrobe review I got rid of a handful of items including, notably, two new dresses and a new top. I’m always interested to know why I’m getting rid of something, especially if it’s not been worn much (or at all!) and this time the answer was clear to me: each and every item I put in the charity bag was a colour mistake. The first item was a navy maxi dress with a pink floral print. The pink was just too warm for me, and even though the pattern was small and the warm pink band on the hemline as opposed to near my face, it was still too distracting.

The second dress was a Vinted purchase and suffered from a similar problem. The main colour, a dusty rose pink, was one of mine, but the coral paisley pattern was too warm and distracting. It was a dress I’d tried on several times, felt too self-conscious in, and subsequently taken off.

The top was too cool, a very dark navy that belonged to Winter but that I could pull off, as a Deep Summer. However, whilst the colour looked fine against my skin, the rest of my wardrobe didn’t have the saturation to be able to support this item. After hanging on to it for well over two years, I finally had to admit defeat.

Yes, the colour analyst makes colour mistakes! When that happens, I’m always interested to delve into why. The navy maxi dress was purchased during the summer when I was panicked by a possible heatwave and the fact that I only owned dresses that required leggings. It wasn’t a dress I purchased because I loved it, it was something I bought because I believed I needed it, and then never wore.

The Vinted dress was a bargain and not something I would have paid full price for. It was clear to me that I’d made the decision on price, not on how much I loved it or even how much it suited me. It wasn’t terrible on me, but it simply wasn’t good enough.

I do love Vinted, though. I find it’s most useful when you’re replacing much-loved (but worn out) items from a brand you’re familiar with. Earlier this year I managed to replace my beloved (but falling-apart) brown leather satchel bag from Jones Bootmaker for a mere £8 in as new condition, a 10th of the price I paid for mine (new) many years ago.

I got rid of a few old bits too, items of clothing I had once loved and had hung on to for this very reason, but really were past their best (not to mention too small). I was surprised by how much I struggled to let go of a navy embroidered tunic I had worn so much it now had holes in it.

To my surprise, I found myself whispering, “thank you, I loved you, I have to let you go now…” as I placed the tunic into a bin bag. I think I’m more sentimental since losing both of my parents earlier this year, more attached than usual to items of clothing I wore prior to their deaths. I hadn’t previously prescribed to Marie Kondo’s practice of thanking things until now, but yesterday I did just that.

When getting rid of much-loved items, albeit those that have holes under the arms and are definitely too tight across the bust, I have to remind myself that I’ll find things I love again. A scarcity mindset leads to a wardrobe full of things that don’t quite work. My most successful items of clothing have been colour-compliant, stylistically correct impulse buys that I fell in love with. And this reminds me of something I’ve known all along, but I needed reminding of yesterday: where possible, we should be buying items because we’ve fallen head-over-heels in love with them. Sometimes the mistake we can make is not buying something we adore (and can afford) because we don’t (yet) have an occasion for it. In those instances I would implore you to buy whatever it is that you’ve fallen for, because I can virtually guarantee you’ll find a way to wear it.

UPDATE: I hit ‘Publish’ on this blog post and thought to myself, “This is a very very long shot, given I bought that navy embroidered tunic 10+ years ago now, but I will just check Vinted on the offchance…” I am absolutely dumbfounded to report that I found that exact tunic, ‘worn once’, in precisely my size… I’m not usually one for an emoji in a blog post, but sometimes only a shocked emoji will do: 😲😲😲!!!

(More) Adventures in Decluttering

Janine2 Comments

Helping other people declutter their wardrobes is the gift that keeps on giving. If you’ve read my blog before, you’ll know I’m not joking.

Every time I help someone, I learn something new. Sometimes it’s another insight into their personal style, their lifestyle (and how that informs the way they dress), or about style archetypes in general.

Earlier this month, a close friend contacted me to ask for help. She was avoiding putting the laundry away, she told me, because her clothes wouldn’t fit in her wardrobe anymore. Over several hours, with ruthless efficiency and the easy banter that comes from knowing someone for so long, we assessed every item of clothing she owned. I wrote down a list of her ‘gaps’ (things she needs to buy) and a list of her favourite brands.

Watching my friend try on mini skirts that used to be wardrobe staples, we both concluded that the skirts now simply looked too short. In the same way someone looks at odds when they aren’t dressing for their personal style, this realisation had nothing to do with age or size. The mini skirts were just… not quite right. I was fascinated by this, having seen her wear these items with aplomb for years. But, undoubtedly, something had changed. Afterwards, I sent her a list of items I thought would fill her gaps, taking into account the style discoveries we’d made during the decluttering process.

This friend’s decluttering inspired me to do some of my own. I’m someone who reviews their own clothes every 3-6 months, but after helping my friend I realised I’d been holding onto things that no longer served me, too.

“I realised, with a heavy heart, that somewhere along the line I’d stopped looking in the mirror.”

I got rid of an entire bin bag of clothes, unheard of for me. I realised I’d been hanging onto things, waiting to resume my old (pre-pandemic) life. But upon assessing each item of clothing, I realised I was holding onto things for the wrong reasons. Some items were simply past their best. Some I’d had for so long they now looked dated. And, without exception, all of these things no longer fit me.

I kept some items that are too small for me right now, and hopefully these will fit again when I start eating more mindfully and moving my body. Like many, I’ve gained weight during the pandemic. And, like many, my lifestyle has changed. I work from home primarily now, my dress and leggings ‘uniform’ replaced by comfortable jogging bottoms and t-shirts (I might push the boat out and wear a snood if I’m on a video call that day).

Whilst trying on outfits I realised, with a heavy heart, that somewhere along the line I’d stopped looking in the mirror. No longer wearing my minimal make-up each day, I’d not really had any need to. But this wasn’t the only reason. I knew, if I was being honest with myself, that it was also related to the weight gain.

“…in no small way, I’d been ignoring myself.”

You can glean so much by looking at a face. We can assess health, we can assess mood, we can tell whether we’re looking after ourselves (or not). With this in mind, imagine being friends with someone but never looking at their face. Wouldn’t that be bizarre? We wouldn’t expect to do this and for it to be okay. In fact, in doing so we’d be ignoring our friends. I realised that, in no small way, I’d been ignoring myself.

After nearly two years of pyjamas and jogging bottoms, I have every faith I can find my way back to myself. Perhaps this is hubris. I will be forty this year; I refuse to ‘dress my age’, to be ruled by a fear of appearing ‘mutton dressed as lamb’. But, as helping my friend so brilliantly illustrated, I also have to accept that personal style does evolve within our archetype. Some clothes do date, and some styles can look ‘off’ after years of looking right. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay, in fact; it’s an opportunity to try something new. So with that said, I’m off to order some velvet dungarees and a lace blouse to see if that’s a look I can pull off. We shall see… Wish me luck 😉

Clothing personalities and style archetypes

JanineLeave a comment

In recent weeks I’ve experienced the unadulterated joy of helping a friend declutter her wardrobe. This is not sarcasm; I’m one of those people who loves to declutter so much that I get pleasure-by-proxy in helping someone else. During the decluttering process we had several conversations about style as we narrowed down the things that were a solid 10/10 and really hit that style sweet spot.

My friend, let’s call her K, hasn’t been to House of Colour, isn’t familiar with Kibbe or David Zyla’s work. She doesn’t have the same shared references and terminology when it comes to clothing personalities, and this has made me see style archetypes in a different way. How useful are they when you’re talking to a new client who isn’t familiar with those systems? How accessible are they? And so, I found myself talking about style in a different way. Initially, I found myself trying to guess where my friend would sit (was she a Romantic? Ingenue? a Natural?) and in the end I gave up. I wasn’t defeated, but I realised trying to solve that puzzle just then wasn’t helping me, either. Instead, I found myself using words we both understood.

Feminine, but not overtly sexy. Pretty, but not prim. Comfortable, natural, but not preppy or bohemian. Cute, but not too kooky.

And suddenly things started to make sense. After our call ended, I found myself hopping onto Pinterest and creating a style board using the information I’d gleaned. K is someone who needs waist definition. An empire line isn’t flattering, nor is a high neckline. Comfort is essential. She’s Zooey Deschanel from New Girl, not Penelope Cruz in Casino Royale. Pointelle, broderie anglaise, vintage styles, these all work. Medium-to-large scale patterns, accessories etc, but not oversized or extra large. Soft lines and round shapes are better than sharp, angular lines because she herself is not sharp or angular. Probably, on reflection, a Romantic Ingenue after all.

I had a similar realisation when I was shopping for my wedding dress. The women in the bridal shops didn’t understand clothing archetypes, so instead I had to try and describe what I wanted in a different way. ‘Elegant bohemian’ was the best I could come up with, and it did help. I was steered towards the more understated, pretty dresses and away from the mermaid fishtails and plunging necklines. Phew.

When it comes to discussions around style, I always enjoy the fancy dress analogy. The question I love to ask clients is: who would you dress as if you were going to a fancy dress party and you knew your crush would be there? What instinctively do you think would look good? A fairy princess? Pirate? Sexy nurse? Some character from an 80s film? Arwen from Lord of the Rings? Snow White? I can see, looking back at old photos of myself, that I chose to dress as a fairy at one fancy dress party I attended (which, coincidentally, my crush was also attending…) I chose that outfit for a reason, and I didn’t feel self-conscious in it. It was my Facebook profile picture for a while, too. It’s telling, isn’t it, what one sets their social media profile picture to.

No photo description available.

At the end of our session together, sat beside a huge pile of clothes for the charity shop and satisfied by the new space in her wardrobe, K said to me:

“I am so relieved I don’t have to try to be someone else.”

And really, truly, that is the essence of it.

Want help with your wardrobe? Let me know: janine@inlovewithcolour.com. I would absolutely ~love~ to help 🙂